Here’s something we hear quite a bit from our new readers: “Just what is a bohemian boomer?” and “How do I know if I am one?”
We could go all Justice Stewart on you, and answer, “We know one when we see it.” But since we obviously can’t be running around the globe to get a peek at all of you, we’ve come up with the next best thing – the “Old fart or bohemian boomer” test.
Now our test is kinda like “Goofus and Gallant.” Remember that cartoon in the Highlights for Children magazine you always used to read in the doctor’s waiting room? Each cartoon presented situations and then showed how Goofus (an irresponsible dweeb) would react, and how Gallant (an insufferable goody-two-shoes) reacted. Sometimes it was hard for a kid to choose between the two.
Our test is much easier. We present some common situations, and show you how both an old fart and a bohemian boomer typically responds. You can decide for yourself whether you have what it takes to be a bona fide bb. Ready? Here we go…good luck!
1. Your teenager is playing MGMT’s latest release while riding in the car with you. You say:
Old fart: “You call that music? Now Lynyrd Skynyrd – there was a real band! Lemme play “Freebird” for ya. No really, you’re gonna love it!”
The old fart’s musical tastes are stuck in the 70s, while bb’s are always willing to at least give a listen to new music. But brace yourself, it’s hard to get through a Justin Bieber song without cringing.
2. A friend calls to tell you she just tried zip-lining in the mountains and not only was it awesome, but she’s going again next weekend and wants you to come along. You say:
Don’t get us wrong, bb’s don’t have a death wish and you won’t find us trying any Jackass-type stunts.
But we’re always up for new adventures and experiences. In the words of author John Mortimer, “There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.”
3. A friend knows you like vampire movies and enthusiastically recommends the DVD he just watched. It’s a Swedish film called, “Let the Right One In,” but not to worry, it’s subtitled in English. You respond:
Okay, let’s make this perfectly clear: 99.99% of the time, the American remake of an outstanding foreign film is a stinker! Bohemian boomers seek opportunities to broaden their horizons, and watching foreign cinema is a great way to experience other cultures.
4. You’re in the breakroom chatting with co-workers about whether anyone has bought one of the new Apple iPads. You comment:
Yes, our bias is showing on that one. Apple is the official computer and high-tech gadget provider for bohemianboomer.com. But chances are you at least own an iPod, so you get brownie points for that.
Okay, so how did you do? Are you bohemian through and through? Or are you destined to stand in your doorway yelling, “You kids get off my lawn!” Well don’t worry – just reading bohemianboomer is your first step toward escaping a lifetime of old fartiness (is that a word?).
Just remember this wise bohemianism: “You can’t turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again.”